Two Words, Two Hearts
by Cattie V
Summary: A series of non-related   unless other wise stated   Matthew & Mary one-shots. Sometimes AU, sometimes canon. Spoilers for every episode up to and including the Christmas Special
1. Confession

**Disclaimer: I do not own **_**Downton Abbey **_**and I do not (alas!) own Matthew or Mary! I wish I did, but I don't.**

**Author's Note: This is just a one-shot I came up with after watching the next time promo for season 2 episode 4. Hope you have as much fun reading it as I did writing it.**

"Matthew's missing."

Two words were all it took to bring Mary's world crashing down. The day had begun so wonderfully, so beautifully, but those two words changed everything. _Matthew's missing._ Mary couldn't move, she couldn't even breathe. All she could do was repeat those words over and over to herself, trying to comprehend them. _Matthew's missing. Matthew's missing._

"Mary? Mary, are you alright?"

The sound of her sister's voice jolted Mary back to reality and she was surprised to see a look of genuine concern on Edith's face. "I'm fine." she said quickly. "I…I just need to be alone for a minute or two." Mary brushed past Edith and once she was out of her sister's sight, she began to run.

She didn't until stop until she was in her own room. She sat on the bed, staring straight ahead of her, but not really seeing. _Matthew's missing._ She closed her eyes. _Matthew's missing._ She pictured his face; his wonderfully, beautiful face. Would see ever see it again? _Matthew's missing. _She heard his voice; his happy, melodious voice. Would she ever hear it again?

_Matthew's missing._

Oh, how she loved him! He was her whole world, he was everything to her, but she had never told him…and now he was missing…most likely killed in action. Mary tried not to think that last thought, but she could not help it. That thought would come whether or not she wanted it to. A mental image of Matthew lying on a field somewhere, covered in his own blood, and lifeless presented itself. Mary sobbed aloud and threw herself back on the bed. Tears streamed down her cheeks as Mary felt everything inside of her dying.

There was a knock on the door, but Mary was too busy crying to notice. The door opened and Lady Grantham poked her head in. She caught sight of Mary and stepping into the room, quickly closed the door before rushing to her daughter's side.

"Oh, my dear!" She gathered her firstborn into arms and Mary clang to her mother as she continued to cry her heart out. "Edith told you." It wasn't a question, rather a statement of fact, but Mary nodded anyway.

"Y…Yes." she managed to speak between sobs.

Mother and daughter just sat there, holding onto each other and neither speaking for several long moments. At last, Mary was able to compose herself and gently pull herself away from her mother's arms.

"I love him, mama. I love him so much, and to think that he…" Mary stopped, she couldn't say it. Lady Grantham just nodded in understanding.

"I know, dear. I know." she said gently.

There was another knock on the door. "Come in." said Mary, trying to sound like her usual self, but failing miserably. The door was slowly opened and Lord Grantham appeared. He entered hesitantly, as if he had been unsure what he would find. One look at his daughter's face, however, told him all he needed to know.

He didn't say anything, but instead just opened his arms and Mary ran into them as if she had been no more than a small child. "Oh, papa!" she sobbed.

Lord Grantham just held his daughter as his wife looked on with a sad smile on her face. In a few minutes they were joined by Edith and Sybil and it was soon clear that they too had been crying and Mary gave them each a hug in turn.

Father, mother, and daughters just sat there giving each other as much comfort , love, and support that they could. All though it was never said out loud, they each felt they were there to support Mary and that she needed each of them now more than ever. And though she never said it, she felt it with a gratitude she could never put into words.

_Three months later…_

The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. It was a beautiful day, but Mary felt none of it as she walked slowly back home. To her the world had gone dark and cold since the day that news had reached them of Matthew's disappearance. Sadly, she was the only one that seemed to feel so. Everyone else seemed to have moved on. Matthew was never mentioned. She suspected that it was meant as a kindness to her, but she wanted them to talk about him. She wanted to say his name and hear it said by others. She was tired of this pretending that he had never existed.

The only other person that seemed to remember Matthew was his mother. Cousin Isobel had taken the news very hard and Mary had made it a point to call on her each day. Isobel was grateful for these visits, for she too longed to talk of Matthew and no one else would oblige her.

Mary and Isobel had grown close during these last few months and Mary was always sorry when it was time to go home again. Mary was rarely happy these days, and she was never happier than when she was having tea with or helping Cousin Isobel.

Mary quickened her steps as she realized that it was almost time for dinner and that she could be late if she didn't hurry. She had just entered the house when Sybil rushed to greet her. Mary was startled by the sudden change in her sister, as Sybil was practically beaming with excitement. "Sybil, darling, was it?"

"Papa received a letter not five minutes ago and when he told me the news, I told him that I had to be the one to tell you."

"News? Tell me what?" 

"They've found Matthew." Mary felt as if the world had just been knocked out from under her. _Matthew's been found._ Mary began to sway where she stood. "He's alive!" added Sybil, happily.

Mary felt her legs about to give out from under her, so she quickly sat down on the floor before she could fall down. _Alive. Matthew's alive!_ "He's alive." she repeated.

Sybil nodded, but as she did so, Mary caught a look in her sister's eye, as if there was something else, something she was hiding. "Sybil, what is it? Don't hold out on me, please!"

Sybil took a deep breath. "But he's been wounded. Seriously wounded. He's in a hospital in London. Papa said that he plans on going there as soon as possible to see him. He said that Cousin Isobel should go to…and you, if you like."

Mary just nodded, as if in a daze. Matthew alive, but wounded. Wounded. That one word struck fear into her heart. Yet, he was still alive…and she could go to see him…she _would _ go to see him. "Of course, I'll go." She looked back up at Sybil. "Has anyone told Cousin Isobel?"

"Not yet," replied Sybil, "papa was about to go over and tell her."

Mary got to her feet. "No, I'll go. I think she'd rather hear the news from me." Sybil nodded and watched as Mary ran back out the front door, letting her feet carry as fast as the good to tell Cousin Isobel the bittersweet news.

_Three days later…_

Mary paced the length of the waiting room. The last few hours had seemed like an eternity. Waiting patiently was perhaps the most difficult thing she had ever done. After all the fear and heartache she had experience since hearing that Matthew was missing, here she was, finally waiting to see him.

Mary didn't fully understand the nature of his injuries, but the doctors had told her that he was unconscious when he was found and that he hadn't woken yet: he was in a coma. Still. Mary wanted to see him. Conscious or not, she wanted to see his face.

Only one visitor was allowed back to see him at a time, and it had only felt right to let Cousin Isobel go first. So here Mary was waiting in another room with her father. Lord Grantham said nothing; he understood how his daughter was feeling and he kindly left her to herself.

After what seemed ages, the door finally hoped and Cousin Isobel entered the room. Lord Grantham stood up and before he could say anything, Isobel burst into tears and Lord Grantham gently tried to comfort her. He nodded at Mary. "You go."

Mary nodded back and followed a nurse to where Matthew was being kept. There were several other soldiers in the same room, but Matthew had a curtain draw in front of his bed. Mary stepped through it and sat down in the chair that was next to his bed.

Matthew didn't look injured. There were no scars that Mary could see. He was so still, so peaceful looking that Mary was almost afraid that he was death. She gently leaned over and touched his hand; it was warm.

Several seconds passed in silence as Mary prepared herself for what she had promised herself that she would do. "Hello, Matthew." she said at last. "It's Mary. I don't know if you can hear me or not." She squeezed his hand. "But even if you can't, there is something I want to tell you."

She paused, wondering how to begin. "Matthew, I have a confession to make. I'm afraid you'll hate me for it, but I must tell you. Do you remember the Turk that stayed at Downton, Kemal Pemuk? Well, the night he was there…he…he…" Mary struggled to get the words out. She had to do this! She couldn't go on without telling Matthew the truth…even if he couldn't hear her.

"He came to my bed room. He…I pleaded with him…I asked him to leave, but he wouldn't. I tried to resist him, but I was weak…I gave in." Mary whipped a tear that had fallen down her cheek. "So, now you know, Matthew. I'm a fallen woman. He died in my bed. I had help moving the body back to his room. I won't tell you who helped me, for I don't want you to despise them as I'm sure you will me."

For several minutes, Mary said nothing. That had been the hard part. It had been harder to do than she had even dreamed. Yet, she felt so much lighter for having finally come forward.

"Then over time," she continued, still holding his hand, "I fell in love with you, Matthew. Deeply, truly in love with you, and when you asked me to marry you, I had never been happier. I wanted to say yes, I truly did! But…but I felt that if I were to marry you, I would have to tell you the truth about Kemal. To do otherwise would feel like I caught you with a lie. I was afraid to tell you. I was afraid that if I told you, you'd hate me and I couldn't bear that thought.

But I waited too long. You thought I didn't love you and so you left. I bore it as best I could and I thought I was doing alright. Then I heard that you were engaged. I thought the world was going to end. I had never been so miserable in my life. The idea of you marrying another woman just tore me to pieces, but I did my best to try and be happy for your sake.

One night Carson, advised me to tell you how I felt. I went to the hospital the next morning to tell you that I still loved you, but then I saw how Lavinia cared about you and I couldn't. I couldn't break her heart. So, I continued on…sure that I was going to lose you to someone else."

Mary realized that she was crying and took a few moments to try and calm down. "Then we heard that you were missing. The pain I had felt when I learned you were engaged was nothing compared to the pain I felt when I thought I would never see you again." The tears were coming harder now.

"Oh, Matthew! I honestly don't care anymore if you marry Lavinia or anyone else, I just want you to live! Please, Matthew! Live!" Mary broke down totally and laid her head on Matthew's chest as she cried.

_Three weeks later…_

Downton had never been more alive or busy. The war was finally over and the Crawleys were holding a party as a celebration. Servants were everywhere, dusting, rearranging furniture, doing anything to get the house ready for the big event. Even the ladies of the house were helping out.

Mary was busy in the library, overseeing the work that Ethel and Anna were doing. It was long work, but tedious and Mary rather enjoyed it. For the first time in a long time, she was starting to feel happy.

"Anything I can do to help?"

Mary whirled around in shock. Standing by the library door, as healthy as one could possible wish, and looking quite handsome in his uniform was Matthew. 

"Matthew." Mary stared at him, drinking in his presence. She hadn't seen him since that day she had gone to see him in the hospital. 

"Mary." There was something about the way he said her name that made Mary smile. There was also something pleasingly different about him, though Mary could not put her finger on it.

Matthew looked and around. "Is there anywhere we can talk…alone?"

"Certainly. How about outside?"

Matthew nodded. "Outside sounds good." He offered Mary his arm and she gladly took it. Arm and arm they quickly made their way outside into the fresh air.

"So, when were you released from the hospital?" asked Mary after a few moments silence.

"Yesterday. I spent the evening with mother, but decided I couldn't stay away from Downton another minute."

Mary smiled. "You grace us with your presence. Father will be very happy to see you."

"And I shall be happy to see him…but first…there are a few things I want to discuss with you."

Something in Matthew's tone, made Mary nervous. "Oh, such as?"

"I heard what you said when you came to see me."

Silence. Mary took several deep breathes. Deep down she had been dreading this moment. Now that it had come, she didn't know what to do. "Oh." She pulled her arm away and walked away a few steps.

The few seconds before he spoke seemed incredibly long. What would he say? Was he angry? Did he hate her? Why was he even here?

"That must have taken a lot of courage." Mary gasped and turned around to face him. It wasn't anger or hatred that she saw in his eyes; it was sympathy and understanding. She was so shocked by this reaction that she was speechless.

"Most women in your situation," he continued taking a step towards her, "would have gone their entire lives without telling a soul the truth and taken it to their graves. They wouldn't have told even the man they professed to love." He took several more steps until he reached her side. "But not you. You braved risking my hatred because you didn't want to lie to me. That's how I know how much you love me."

Matthew reclaimed her arm, but stayed where he was. "About a fortnight before I disappeared, I received a letter from Lavinia. She wanted to break off our engagement." Mary stared in surprise. "The strange thing was when I read that letter…I felt nothing. I mean I realized that I felt nothing because I felt nothing for Lavinia…not love anyway. I realized then that I never had…and that I still loved you."

He reached out had gently held Mary's head in his hand. "You are what kept me going. I love you, Mary. So, I ask you a second time: will you marry me?"

Mary burst into tears of joy. "Yes!" Matthew smiled gently whipped her tears away and then taking her into his arms, his lips met hers and both them felt unspeakable joy.

**So what did you think? Love it, hate it? Please, review! Your thoughts are greatly appreciated!**


	2. Will you?

**Disclaimer: As much I as I wish I did, I do not own **_**Downton Abbey.**_** I am merely borrowing it…for now ;)**

**Author's Note: Alright, this one-shot is what I call "a missing moment." It is canon, at least the idea behind it is, yet it was never shown! And what moment is that? Matthew's proposal to Mary in season one! So if you are like me and feel we were gipped, this one-shot is for you. Enjoy!**

Mary pulled back, shocked. Had she and Matthew just been kissing? It had been so unexpected. She never even dreamed of something like this happening. Yet, she found that she had enjoyed kissing Matthew more than she had spending the night with Pamuk. Maybe because she loved Matthew; that thought surprised Mary more than the kiss had.

"Mary," said Matthew, quite suddenly taking her hand, "will you marry me?"

This was the biggest shock of all! If anyone had told her this morning that Matthew would propose before the day was out, she was would have laughed and thought it a good joke. This morning she thought she only cared for him as a friend…if she cared for him at all. But what will Sybil getting hurt and Matthew coming to her rescue, seeing the way her sister had looked at him…Mary had felt slightly jealous…no, not "slightly." She had felt jealous. There was no other way to say it.

And then the kiss. It had been heavenly and she suddenly had the urge to do it again, but she had to think. Matthew had just asked her a question, the most important question a man can ever ask a woman and he was waiting for an answer.

Mary knew what she wanted to say. There was no doubt on that score. Right now there was only thing she wanted in the world and that was to say "yes." She wanted more than anything to spend the rest of her life with this man. She could see them walking hand in hand together, having children, and growing old, and….it would be all a lie.

If she were to say yes, she would be marrying him under false pretenses. Matthew knew nothing about what had really happened with Pamuk. To leave him in ignorance and marry him, would be to lie to him. And Mary did not want that.

The only other option would be to tell him…and that terrified her more than anything else. She could imagine the looks of shock, then disappointment, and then finally hatred on his face. No, no, she could not tell him!

But when she looked him, seeing that he was looking back at her, so expectantly, she could not say no either…and she didn't want to.

There was only a third choice between yes and no; and Mary found herself saying it, "I will think about it." She knew this answer didn't solve anything. She was merely postponing the inevitable, but for now she was content to put that day off.

Matthew nodded, as if content to wait for her answer, little dreaming of the struggle that was going through Mary's mind. "Then I await your answer." he said simply.

**Author's Note:** Yes, I know it isn't as good as Matthew's proposal in the Christmas Special. Seriously, nothing can top that one! But please tell me that it is at least better than Sir Richard's proposal to Mary? Reviews would be greatly appreciated!


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